It’s been a while since I’ve made a blog post, and being that it’s a form of therapy for me I’d say it’s long overdue. Yesterday was quite a day, but at the very end of it, I decided that I needed to take personal inventory of ME. Here’s what happened and why you should too.
I had a series of events I wanted to attend on yesterday, because I am attempting to get into the habit of actually leaving home more and not hiding behind my computer. There are many reasons why I probably opt to hide, including being unhappy with my image i’ll admit, but the biggest one being I get anxiety when speaking to people. HUGE ANXIETY. Nevertheless less since i’m actively working on myself, I decided to go out. There was the Harambee Festival I attended so that I could see my sister Shannon and purchase some authentic black soap from the Alley Shoppe. And then there was this mental health event that was from 3-6. I was late arriving at about 4:45 or so, but in this case, better late than never. Here came the part where she asked if anyone had any questions and I waited until the majority of the questions were answered from other women, and then I bravely asked, How do you help other people while attempting to help yourself? And how do you keep from causing others pain while healing your own? I told her that I knew I was the toxic person in many rooms, and that in he past it was my mental illness struggles which prevented me from bonding with other women in the past, and sometimes now. And what she said next, changed my life.
She said, you have a hole. And tha she could see my hole before I opened my mouth. She said you must do the work, because you can capture a room when you speak. She said that I was wearing a mask, and I had become very comfortable with doing so. It allowed me to comfortably hide, and she was right. She was completely right. Before then I thought because I shared some of the most painful moments in my life, that like magic I had become free. I thought that’s all I had to do, and I could not have been more wrong. I decided to take a personal inventory right then and there, and why you should do the same.
Ever so often, even after completing another milestone, take a good look within. There is always more work to do my love. Evolution and growth is constant. Never become stagnant. And remember to be sure to ask yourself, is the inner me, my enemy?
Love your sister, Kiara. <3