We all want to share our story, so that we either A heal, or B help someone else heal. Those are the primary reasons why we take the risk of being judged, talked about, or risk the relationships we currently have, in hopes that we do one, or both. The other day I learned a valuable lesson. If the reason you share your story or experience is to heal, then you must be selective in who you tell.
It's the harsh reality that everyone doesn't care about you. You don't understand it, because you love everyone, will give someone your last, and would do anything to help anyone succeed. It's hard for people like us to understand why someone wouldn't care, especially when you care about them personally. Now, sometimes we make the mistake of thinking a particular person cares, but that is the absolute worse thing you can do, and i'll explain why.
The other day I shared with someone close to me, who I care about deeply, how my past sexual abuse still effects me today and in what ways. It got EXTREMELY personal. I believe if I were to tell the average person, all kinds of judgement would be going on! They were different though, or so I assumed. I was willing to bet money that I would not have to worry about them leaving my side, judging me, or making me fee more horrible than before I told them. I WAS WRONG. The last thing that person said to me was "We have to find another way." After that, he became distant. My number was blocked, and there I was feeling naive, worthless, and way more pain than before when I was choosing to hold it in. I admittedly allowed the actions of them following our conversation install insecurities I had no idea were possible because I loved myself, right? Now someone knew something about me, and it to them it was horrible! So horrible that the relationship we had before that became null and void immediately. Took me a while to shake out of that funk and do what we call "charge it to the game." I had to remind myself that nothing is a loss, they are lessons. I didn't want to learn it that way, but better now than later.
The main thing I honestly take from this, is that the best talks to have like these, are ones with your girls. More often than not, they have been through some of the same things or similar, and they know exactly what it is that you are going through. Am I mad at him, I ain't never been the one to fake it so HELL YEAH, but life goes on. I practice healing way more than I practice hurting. My advice to you, is to find someone you can trust, who understands and is interested in your HEALING. As I stated before, when it isn't the right person, it could have you going ten steps back instead of ahead two. If all else fails, grab that journal sis.
Have you ever told something to someone in confidence and regretted it? Drop a few lines and let me know.
Until next time, love you sis!